What Time is This?

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? Does Anybody Really Care?
- from a good song by one of my hometown groups, Chicago. Oh, how I loved the trumpet section...back in the days when I played coronet.

This is dad's watch. It's set to London time. He bought it on the streets of New York almost ten years ago. He said he'd never replaced the battery. Go figure.

He left the watch on his nightstand when he went to hospital the last time. I carried it home in the chest pocket of my jacket. I forgot it was there for a couple of weeks until I put it on one Saturday.

What is time? A marker, like a road sign? No...too static. A noun? It's very active...time is too short. Or too slow. Or too long. Time flies. Time passes. Time idles. What is time? We always want more of it...can never find enough of it...wonder where it went....

Allen and I must have bought dad a few watches in his lifetime. But this was the one that stuck. This sidewalk bought, $5 Casio with the battery that has never stopped. Nothing personal. Not a gift. No meaning. No intent. But it's the one that stuck. And it's still going.

"Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...into the future"

What Goat is This?

Alright...so I'm over the top with the stuffed animals. Regression is good for one's creative self...or so I tell myself! But the big laugh this holiday came from my better (and more rational) half. There, in the mid-morning hours of Christmas, after calls from relatives and several cups of java...we took to opening gifts.

And what did I find, to my great surprise, but a gift from "Bunny, Cow & Goat, Too." Goat? Do we have a goat in this menagerie? Where? Where's the goat? Perhaps I need to take a break with the stuffies. My better half seems to be losing it!

What Goat is This?

Alright...so I'm over the top with the stuffed animals. Regression is good for one's creative self...or so I tell myself! But the big laugh this holiday came from my better (and more rational) half. There, in the mid-morning hours of Christmas, after calls from relatives and several cups of java...we took to opening gifts.

And what did I find, to my great surprise, but a gift from "Bunny, Cow & Goat, Too." Goat? Do we have a goat in this menagerie? Where? Where's the goat? Perhaps I need to take a break with the stuffies. My better half seems to be losing it!

Less Than 24 Hours to Go...

...and they're climbing the trees! Kitty and Bunny that is :>)

I know some of you have pets that climb their Xmas tree. I have stuffed animals! Go figure! And yes...that isn't a Christmas tree. I've compromised and gone with a dieffenbachia with evergreen accents (see above Moose's head?). I learned years ago that if you buy a live tree that's been sitting out in snow, sleet and (today) rain, it's a gonner as soon as it comes in the house. It's too traumatized. Ask the folks living out in the Pacific northwest - aren't you traumatized when you go back indoors after being out in all that crazy weather?

Moose assures me he'll keep an eye on everyone while I prep for Christmas dinner. Thanks to my tres bon Bon Appetit magazine, I will be preparing 2 new dishes this year: rib roast with spinich-porcini stuffing and horseradish cream (YUMMY!) and Potato-mushroom gratin (Super YUMMY!). I can make both the gratin and the stuffing ahead of time (Yea!), so that's what I'll be doing today while my better half runs into Manhattan to work for the afternoon.

Tonight is awaiting: we've picked up the stuffed calamari and fish salad already (plus a box on pignoli cookies for dessert!), cleaned the shrimp and the crab legs are defrosting! While it won't be the traditional 12 fishes (for Christ and the apostles) tonight, we figure we have about 6 covered!

I was all too happy to learn that traditional Xmas Pudding (which I really do enjoy and everyone in my life puts up with!) also has 12 ingredients, also representing Christ and the apostles. So! Us Brits have great traditions like the Italians!

Opps...gotta run! Sounds like Bunny is losing his perch!

Less Than 24 Hours to Go...

...and they're climbing the trees! Kitty and Bunny that is :>)

I know some of you have pets that climb their Xmas tree. I have stuffed animals! Go figure! And yes...that isn't a Christmas tree. I've compromised and gone with a dieffenbachia with evergreen accents (see above Moose's head?). I learned years ago that if you buy a live tree that's been sitting out in snow, sleet and (today) rain, it's a gonner as soon as it comes in the house. It's too traumatized. Ask the folks living out in the Pacific northwest - aren't you traumatized when you go back indoors after being out in all that crazy weather?

Moose assures me he'll keep an eye on everyone while I prep for Christmas dinner. Thanks to my tres bon Bon Appetit magazine, I will be preparing 2 new dishes this year: rib roast with spinich-porcini stuffing and horseradish cream (YUMMY!) and Potato-mushroom gratin (Super YUMMY!). I can make both the gratin and the stuffing ahead of time (Yea!), so that's what I'll be doing today while my better half runs into Manhattan to work for the afternoon.

Tonight is awaiting: we've picked up the stuffed calamari and fish salad already (plus a box on pignoli cookies for dessert!), cleaned the shrimp and the crab legs are defrosting! While it won't be the traditional 12 fishes (for Christ and the apostles) tonight, we figure we have about 6 covered!

I was all too happy to learn that traditional Xmas Pudding (which I really do enjoy and everyone in my life puts up with!) also has 12 ingredients, also representing Christ and the apostles. So! Us Brits have great traditions like the Italians!

Opps...gotta run! Sounds like Bunny is losing his perch!

Twas the Day Before Christmas and...

...where is the joy? What are you supposed to feel during the holiday?

Yesterday I must have spent about 2 hours walking around the neighborhood doing errands: dropping off cards at the post office, looking for fresh basil, picking up packages, finding Hanukkah paper....

Through it all I could feel myself going through the motions. I tried humming holiday tunes in my head, taking deep breaths of frigid air, kicking chunks of icy snow...but something was missing.
It was joy. This year I am missing joy. That stuff that makes me all excited when I pick up boxes at the mailbox. That makes me sit in front of "How the Grinch Stole Xmas" and sing along (instead, I went into the kitchen to bake). The joy that wakes me up early and keeps me up late (in bed by 9:30pm). The joy that makes me count the hours until Christmas morning and plan the hours afterward so I have plenty of time to read my books!

I feel like I'm experiencing Christmas through someone else's eyes. I just can't find the emotional connect. Not that I don't cry...oh, I'm doing that. Or that I'm not angry...it doesn't take much to set me off and big time! But the joy? Nada.

It's 3:00am - What the....?

(apologies to Clement Moore)

It's the week before Christmas
and Sandy's asleep,
dreaming of presents and
snow storms so deep.

Around 3:00 a.m.,
there came a loud sound,
Sandy jumped out of bed,
her feet hit the ground....

Running quick down the hallway,
she saw a great light,
from the kitchen she saw,
the new floor shining bright.

A giggle erupted,
laughter ensued,
Sandy screeched to a halt,
what a sight did she view!



The moose and the others
had gathered to toast,
the new kitchen floor
of which they could boast.



"Isn't it gorgeous!" Bunny exclaimed,
"The stoves really love it!" Moose proclaimed.
I just shook my head
and heaved a great sigh...
and off back to bed
I did fly.

...I so have to get a job with the Muppets...!

It's 3:00am - What the....?

(apologies to Clement Moore)

It's the week before Christmas
and Sandy's asleep,
dreaming of presents and
snow storms so deep.

Around 3:00 a.m.,
there came a loud sound,
Sandy jumped out of bed,
her feet hit the ground....

Running quick down the hallway,
she saw a great light,
from the kitchen she saw,
the new floor shining bright.

A giggle erupted,
laughter ensued,
Sandy screeched to a halt,
what a sight did she view!



The moose and the others
had gathered to toast,
the new kitchen floor
of which they could boast.



"Isn't it gorgeous!" Bunny exclaimed,
"The stoves really love it!" Moose proclaimed.
I just shook my head
and heaved a great sigh...
and off back to bed
I did fly.

...I so have to get a job with the Muppets...!

Laying of the Floor - 3 hours and Counting!

Johnny the plumber is fixing the leaky pipe under the sink
(we have one of those real old, cast iron double basins!

Sasha and his young apprentice

are laying the tiles!

Here's the sink all done

(look at that shiny pipe!)

And the adhesive is down for

the next section of the floor!

Laying of the Floor - 3 hours and Counting!

Johnny the plumber is fixing the leaky pipe under the sink
(we have one of those real old, cast iron double basins!

Sasha and his young apprentice

are laying the tiles!

Here's the sink all done

(look at that shiny pipe!)

And the adhesive is down for

the next section of the floor!

On This Night, a Year Ago...

...I lost dad. No. It's not what you're thinking. Literally. I lost him somewhere between JFK airport and Park Slope Brooklyn. Now I can look back and smile. But then - Oy Vay! And, for the Freudian's in the room, perhaps it was all the result of the unconscious messaging to us all that dad would soon no longer be with us.

So, if you want the story, take a look back to my January 2, 2008 blog.

On an up note - the stoves have made their floor selection! The men are supposed to be here (seven minutes ago) and by this afternoon, Voila! Should I worry that the building manager has yet to call us and ask us how many boxes of tile to buy? :>) Hark! I hear the door bell! Let the remodeling begin!

On This Night, a Year Ago...

...I lost dad. No. It's not what you're thinking. Literally. I lost him somewhere between JFK airport and Park Slope Brooklyn. Now I can look back and smile. But then - Oy Vay! And, for the Freudian's in the room, perhaps it was all the result of the unconscious messaging to us all that dad would soon no longer be with us.

So, if you want the story, take a look back to my January 2, 2008 blog.

On an up note - the stoves have made their floor selection! The men are supposed to be here (seven minutes ago) and by this afternoon, Voila! Should I worry that the building manager has yet to call us and ask us how many boxes of tile to buy? :>) Hark! I hear the door bell! Let the remodeling begin!

I'm floored! Xmas for our Kitchen

The saga of our kitchen continues! Some of you know the story of how and why we have two stoves (and no, we are not kosher!). Readers Digest version: we treated ourselves to new appliances several Xmas' ago and when they delivered the new refrigerator and stove, they were sans the stove. So my better half called and demanded a stove to tide us over the holiday (until the one we ordered could be delivered in January). Well...the upshot was that on December 22nd, the manager at Home Depot threw the floor model stove on the back of a truck, grabbed two guys from the back room and hauled it over and up 4 flights of stairs! Then, we called repeatedly in January, February...March for him to come and take it back...and he didn't! So we have two stoves. Merry Christmas!

This left the biggest unresolved issue: the kitchen floor. Three plus years of complaining to the building manager and demonstrating how you can see through the floor to the 3rd floor kitchen just never seemed to convince him that we might need a new floor.

Of course, we were a little conflicted, because the history of this kitchen floor is pretty cool. Fr. Daniel Berrigan, SJ once said mass in that kitchen, on that floor. And Caruso (the opera singer for those of you too young) once sang in the kitchen! Needless to say, I kept a little snippet of tile.

So! The new sub floor is down and Thursday morning they lay the new flooring. And so, we get closer to closing the book on another apartment saga.

I'm floored! Xmas for our Kitchen

The saga of our kitchen continues! Some of you know the story of how and why we have two stoves (and no, we are not kosher!). Readers Digest version: we treated ourselves to new appliances several Xmas' ago and when they delivered the new refrigerator and stove, they were sans the stove. So my better half called and demanded a stove to tide us over the holiday (until the one we ordered could be delivered in January). Well...the upshot was that on December 22nd, the manager at Home Depot threw the floor model stove on the back of a truck, grabbed two guys from the back room and hauled it over and up 4 flights of stairs! Then, we called repeatedly in January, February...March for him to come and take it back...and he didn't! So we have two stoves. Merry Christmas!

This left the biggest unresolved issue: the kitchen floor. Three plus years of complaining to the building manager and demonstrating how you can see through the floor to the 3rd floor kitchen just never seemed to convince him that we might need a new floor.

Of course, we were a little conflicted, because the history of this kitchen floor is pretty cool. Fr. Daniel Berrigan, SJ once said mass in that kitchen, on that floor. And Caruso (the opera singer for those of you too young) once sang in the kitchen! Needless to say, I kept a little snippet of tile.

So! The new sub floor is down and Thursday morning they lay the new flooring. And so, we get closer to closing the book on another apartment saga.

What a Party!

There's something to be said for Holiday parties that skip the singing, the games, the silliness and just let us act like adults and socialize. Tonight's event went well, so thinkest me.

Uncomplicated, silly, easy, effortless and painless. Three cheers to the planning committee for keeping it simple-stupid!








Xmas Moose, Christmas Moose, Moose, Moose, Chocolate Moose and Moose.

Meanwhile, back at home, the moose saw my Holiday letter and were upset that Moose, Kitty, Bunny, Sheep and Cow go their pics printed!

So here you go - here's everyone else!

How'd this get so out of hand? Blame it on the New Hampshire State Association. I'm not sure if it was revenge for convincing them to take $250,000 from their Senator in one lump sum (they wanted to spread it over several years) and force them to GROW...or if it was my believe that all the Moose X-ing signs posted throughout New Hampshire were just part of tourist trap, trying to convince people to come to New Hampshire in hopes of seeing a moose. After 3 years and hundreds of miles driven through New Hampshire sans moose, I firmly believed that there were none.

So the NH State Association sent me a Holiday gift one year - everything moose, including Moose (on the far right in green). It was downhill from there...er...ah...I mean...life was full of moose from that day on!

There is now a no-Moose ban in our house, due in part to the fact that they now outnumber the humans 4:1 (if you count moose-in-a-can and doorstop moose!).

Living the Dash

We're Born - We Die. How do we live the dash?

The dash is all the time between when we are born and when we die. The other week, Fr. Murphy asked us how we live the dash. Do we make our time worthwhile: for ourselves and for others? Do we waste the time we're given?

And how do you live the dash when you are watching someone you love approaching death? Are we less attentive or more? Less authentic or more? Do we slow down when the one we love is approaching the end of the dash? Or do we stay the course, because we are still living the dash, even when those we love are nearing the end?

There's a lot of life to live in the dash, God willing. Living the dash.

What's with the sheep?

If you look back over the posts for the last few months, you'll see that sheep are fairly present.

Here is a picture of the sheep on the side of the Pendle, where we scattered mom and dads ashes. They were near the bottom (see how steep it is?), just hanging out during the gale that was sweeping through.
http://www.iknow-northwest.co.uk/tourist_information/lancashire_lancs/ribble_valley/pendle_hill_witches.htm

So, today I get to mass and I'm in my slightly-hyper mood. I've found myself in this mood frequently. It feels like my soul is racing. Certainly my mind is. It's like I have to keep moving or thinking...problem-solving...doing. It feels like there is nothing between that and sitting in a room and crying for a week.

And what happens? Fr. Murphy talks about how hard it is to be still. How stressful the holidays are. How we get so busy shopping that we forget to spend time with people. How we spend our time racing, and don't spend time listening and being with friends. He suggested we pray a mantra this holiday: Be Still. And know that I am God. Then we sing:

Like a Shepherd he feels his flock and gathers the lambs in his arms, holding them carefully close to his heart, leading them home (Isaiah 40:9-11).

What do you suppose those sheep were doing on the Pendle?

How Do You Prepare for the Inevitable?

When you know that a parent is going to die - how do you prepare?

• What is the "right" thing to do: death-watch vigil or keep moving?
• Say everything and bare your soul, even when you've never talked that way to your parent before? Or keep living your 'real' relationship, warts and all
• Continuousl play out the final days in your head so you can live it like in the movies? Or just live it as it really happens?

Do you cry...laught...sing...pray...curse...love...lash out...make love...rage...write...retreat...dance...drink...sleep...sob...think..?

Do you blame everyone and everything...doctors... siblings... stress...your parent...food additives...yourself...fate...God?

What's in the Bag?

We got home from doing errands this morning, only to find Kitty, Sheep, Bunny and Cow getting into trouble. It all started about ten days ago, when Becca left a little something for me. She told me to leave it alone and no peeking! Well...this intrigued Sheep and Kitty, in particular, who reported on Tuesday night that whatever was in the bag, sneezed.

I checked with Becca and she responded, "Did I forget to tell you about feeding and watering my gift? No wonder it sneezed. Please ask Kitty and sheep to check on "it", but tell them to keep anything they find out to themselves so you still will be surprised on Christmas." So...I relayed the message!

What happens today? I get home from doing laundry and I find Kitty and Sheep, Bunny ad Cow "checking on it". What's in the bag?

Speaking of Water....

I discovered this while picking through Blogs last weekend (I’m trying to learn what makes a Blog get on Googles “Top Blogs” list). Anyway…the video is about 3-4 minutes and really cool. If you can’t get it to work on youtube, then go to the web site.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU or http://www.adventconspiracy.com/

Advent Conspiracy has been active for a few years. A small group of ministers started it (from different parts of the country) and it focuses on a very big, key point (which you’ll see in the video).

They do not collect money, but are partnered with a couple of groups that do raise money to address this one issue.

Just keep in mind…..

Car Industry Bailout: maybe $25 Billion
State Governments: maybe a couple of hundred Billion
Bank Bailout: $700 Billion
I heard a school district in the Midwest is going to ask for Federal bailout money: $????
An unjust war: Lost count

This one thing for the entire world: $10 Billion

Priorities, huh?

When you're an orphan, whose fridge do you hang your report card on?

Do we still continue to make our parent(s) proud?

Remember when you were little and got a good report card? Or a good grade on a test? Mom used to hang our simple stories of success on the fridge.


As I got older and became a young adult, the days of report cards and tests past and were replaced by performance reviews. I always sent mom a copy. Silly, huh? But I lived to make them proud. I worked to make them proud. I wanted them to be proud of me...the person they raised.


Do I continue to make my parents proud? Or do I do it only for myself?

Sometimes I Forget You're Not There

Do you ever forget he's dead?

Sometimes my mind jumps to an idea and I think, "oh, dad would enjoy that," or "we should take dad to see...." Then I remember. There is no dad. And I feel very sad.

Sometimes I see him. A quick glance up or coming around the corner...And a half a heart-beat later I remember he is gone. And I miss him.

This is typically the week we would be starting to get ready for dad's visit. This weekend I found myself strolling through the house thinking that I needed to get the guest towel rack out for dad...and before I complete the thought I remember he won't be back. And I feel relieved.

Dad's Brown Coat

I'm writing a new blog: http://www.mydadscoat.blogspot.com/.

It's about losing a parent. It's meant to be a thought starter...to get people sharing their experiences.

It's also a way for me to map my experience, with all its' complex feelings, thoughts, dreams, and....

This is dad's brown coat. The first blog entry explains it.

This week, keep our friend Jammie close in your thoughts.

Watering the Cat or The Bravest Cat I Know

Ari Katz is at it again. What a brave boy cat he is! This time it's age and his kidneys. He's not staying hydrated, cramping, getting uncomfortable and starting to lose weight. Dr. Karen tried special diet food (ha! Ari likes tuna, only tuna and nothing but the tuna, thank you!) and monitoring closely. But now she wants to hydrate him. Everyother day, 100 cc's, directly under the skin.

Now you may not have heard the story of Ari's attempt to play Super Kitty and fly out of the 4th story window a couple of summers ago. Yep. Alberta went out shopping and came back to distressed neighbors saying there was a cat in the courtyard that appeared to have fallen out of a window. It turns out, Ari snuck out of the apartment when she left and got an inkling to fly.

The result? A broken front paw (requiring screws), a broken jaw (requiring wiring shut), and various cuts and bruises. He was in the hospital for a few days, then had to be caged (yes -we are talking about a cat!) for almost 10 weeks while his paw and jaw healed. They had to put a feeding tube into the side of his neck and for that entire time, Alberta had to feed Ari twice a day through the tube!

But, trooper that he is, he recovered and only has a slight limp every now and again to show for it. Of course, this all happened after the apartment fire, in which Ari woke Alberta up with a paw in the mouth, just in time for Alberta to see flames moving into the bedroom from the living room. Ari and his brother suffered a little smoke inhalation and had to be fostered at a friends house for quite a while, since Alberta was out of her apartment for several months while they fixed the damage.

So Mr. Katz is off on a new adventure. Alberta puts him in the sink, hangs a bag of fluid by a hanger on the cupboard knob, then has to insert a 20 gauge needle into Ari and give him 100cc's of fluid. So far Ari is cooperating and seems to know that it's there to help him.

He really is a brave boy. And I can only pray that this helps him live on a little while longer, happy and in fairly good health. Life is catching up with him, but for the runt of the liter, he's achieved much and had some tales to tell! Someday I'll tell you how we used to play Hide-and-Go-Kitty together!