Why Don't People Take Their Coats Off In Church?

Last winter I noticed something when I went to church.

I noticed it because I became acutely aware of people looking at me.

It happened when I arrived and entered my pew.  I'd walk in to my favorite spot on the pew (don't we all have that?!)  and would take off  my gloves and hat, my backpack or bag, then unwrap my scarf and fold it, then, finally, my coat, being careful to fold it just right so that it sat on the pew next to me.

It was my usual pattern. Until one day, as I was going through the motions, I noticed that everyone around me was watching me.  I thought maybe I was being loud.  But I knew I was very careful to not intrude upon the stillness of the space.  In fact, when I'd purchased a new winter coat that year, I'd intentionally avoided one with a shell that was loud and made lots of 'rustly' noise.

But as I looked around at my fellow parishoners, I suddenly became very self-conscious to the fact that I was one of but a few people who had taken their coat off.  In fact, at communion time, I observed that less than 20% of us had taken our coats off even when coming up for communion.

Why?

I suppose there are some common sense reasons:

• theft
• takes up space in the pew
• temperature of the church

Yet the building was fairly warm and nothing a sweater couldn't handle.  And in all my years at the Parish I'd never heard of a coat being stolen.  Yes, my coat did take up another seat in the pew (had their been someone who wanted to sit next to me), but you can always sit on your coat, so...?

Keeping your coat on in Church makes you seem like you're on your way somewhere else.  I can't imagine keeping my coat on in church, and yet, I think that's where my Protestant roots influence me to this day.  In the Methodist Church, which I attended during my elementary school years, there were coat racks in the church hall, where you left your coat during services.  It's also where you returned after services, to join other congregants for coffee and fellowship.  Catholics don't seem to have a big tradition of that - certainly not in my Parish.

For me, church is home.  When I go, I want to sit down with God, my fellow parishioners, and spend an hour in song and prayer and reflection and communion.  I want to stay and be comfortable.  I want to be present mind, body and spirit.  Keeping my coat on would feel like I had one foot out the door and on the way to the next activity.

So I'll keep taking my coat off in church.  And perhaps those who chose not to will wonder why.

Ayeka - where are you?

As the Jewish Holidays draw near, I reflect on Rabbi Klienbaum's drash @CBST from a couple of years ago.

Simply put, she challenged us to look into God's question to Adam: "ayeka?" - "where are you?"

Marc Gellman (Where Are You, Adam? http://www.firstthings.com/article/1996/05/003-where-are-you-adam) writes that in this season of Ayeka we are asked to:

• render a spiritual accounting not of our careers, but of our compassion;
• not of our wealth, but of our wisdom;
• not of our gains, but of our gifts;
• not of our physical fitness, but of the fitness of our souls.

Where am I?  Where are you?

L'shanah tovah tikatevu

I Should Have...Trusted God

And then it happens.  Something bad happens to someone we love.

We knew "something was wrong".  We saw it...or felt it...or supposed it.

But we set it aside, hoping for the best, assuming it was all "nothing".

And then the reality hits.  It is something.

It is bad news: It is...[fill in the blank]

And then we pile on the "should have's" -

I should have... known.

I should have made her/him __________.

I should have... asked.

I should have... pushed.

"Should have's" allow us to appoint guilt and ownership - to ourselves.  

"Should have's" allow us to take a situation and place it squarely in our control.  But it isn't.

For a long time I blamed myself for my mom dying.  And I did it again with my dad.

I should have...paid more attention.  I should have...said something.

But, over time, I've learned that when it comes to something bad happening to someone else - It's not ours to control.  

We waste time with guilt and "should have's".  With blame and control.

So, if something bad happens to someone you love - focus on the moment.

Focus on being present.  Regardless of what that means in terms of time on the clock or on the calendar.  Release the guilt and control.

When we stay in the present, in the moment...that is where we need to be.

God, the Universe, chose the path.  We have to walk it.

No "should have's".  Only present, in the moment.

Fate or Faith (aka: Waiting for the Rainbow Ponies to Rescue Me)

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Primarily because fate always intervened.  That is, until now.  Now I just don't know.  And go figure - fate is nowhere to be found.

This desire to do something profound...to make a "real" difference in the world is fine.  I've lived with it all my life.  I'm realizing that this is not the problem.  The problem is that I'm sitting around waiting it to magically happen.

Note two keys words in that last sentence:  "waiting" and "magically".  That alone should tell me what the problem is!

I'm reading "Heed Your Call:  Integrating Myth, Science, Spirituality, and Business" by David Howitt.  In it, Howitt talks about a lot of amazing concepts that can help you rethink how one can own their life and, most important to me, how one can stop waiting and start making things happen in their life.

He talks about 'trust' and 'surrender' as key ingredients in transforming ourselves, that "when applied with action, create success."  You mean it really doesn't happen magically?  I just can't sit and read books with great concepts and VOILA!  my life will come together in one neat, meaningful package?!  You mean I can create my own "profound gifts" without waiting?  Seriously?

Ah...but wait...there's a catch, right?  Yep.

Howitt writes a lot about "living in the moment," "trust and surrender," "allowing the cosmos to work out the details," "co-create the universe," "manifestation of endless possibilities"....

Now we're getting a little "Rainbow Ponies" on me (sorry Hasbro!).  I like my life with an order of 'practical' and a side order of 'realistic' topped by a spoonful of 'doable' - thank you very much.  Trusting...surrendering...living in the moment...not my comfort zone.

Perhaps I have to set Fate aside and give Faith a chance.  After all, isn't Faith about trust and surrender?  Maybe it's time to quit handing over the reigns to Fate and waiting.  It may be time to drive the team of Rainbow Ponies myself.  Time to take action. ACTION!

Giddy-up Rainbow Ponies!  Let's go "co-create the universe"!  And aw-w-w-w-ay we go!

www.Heedyourcall.com

Listen to David Howitt's TEDTalk

Walking Home Backwards

...er...not literally (if I did that, you'd probably be sending me 'Get Well' cards right about now!)

This was my first full week of taking the "A" train to and from work, thanks to the "R" train tunnel being closed.  You all remember the "A" train, don't you - http://youtu.be/bHRbEhLj540 - or are you all too young  :>)  How about "New York, New York a wonderful town...the Bronx is up and Battery is down"?  http://youtu.be/x7CIgWZTdgw

But I digress!  The result of my subway train was that at the end of the day, I had to walk back the way I came in the morning. Until now, I'd only taken the "A"train to work - never home.  Now, you may not think that's any big deal.  But when you're in lower Manhattan, 2 blocks from the "Canyon of Hero's" it is a rich experience.  And slightly disorienting, as well! Think of it, all yea suburban dwellers! How many of you park in the same spot at the mall every time (over by Sears, where there's one of only 4 trees,to allow my car some shade).  There's a reason we are creatures of habit!

I suppose this is just another way life has turned direction for me. In so many ways my life today is like I've turned around and headed in the opposite direction.  And getting my bearings is not easy!

 

Yes, I'm still working in the mentoring world and, yes, youth development is still my focus. But perspective has a lot to do with how we manage change. As familiar as the work is, turn me around, introduce new process, tools to manage the process, systems to manage the tools and the process...well...it's a bit disorienting.   Which, in turn, is scary.  Perhaps, then, the greatest challenge is in how we cope.

The first few days of my journey in reverse were disorienting. Made worse by the fact that I work in a part of town that consists of named streets and not numbered ones, I kept getting a sense I was going in the wrong direction. Surrounded by unfamiliar landmarks and a bunch of buildings either under construction or being repaired following Storm Sandy, uptown and downtown weren't clear to me anymore. I had to remind myself that I was smarter than I was feeling and that if I just tried to change my frame of reference, I'd be ok.

I took two approaches to coping: I held on to my common sense (if the street was running downhill, it was most likely heading toward a river), and I put on my best Lewis and Clark impression and approached it all like an adventure. After all, what was the worst that could happen? I walk a few blocks out of my way?

Which, of course, did happen. And, as a result, I discovered a route that cut at least 2 blocks of my walk; 2 post offices en route (how handy is that?); 2 dollar stores (keep in mind, I work 3 blocks from the NY Stock Exchange!); and a Church (with those 15 minute mini-services that city churches in business areas seem to have).   Before I knew it, what started out as an anxious time has now become a journey of discovery - Henry Hudson, move over!

So for my friends who aren't city dwellers, next time you're at the mall or the grocery store, try 'walking backwards' for a different perspective. See what you discover that you may not have noticed before. Name your favorite explorer and head-off in a new direction! Approach it with eyes open, courage and curiosity.  Journey on!

Maudy Thursday

Tonight is like a culmination of many significant symbols: Passover, the Last Supper, the day my mom died 19 years ago...an almost full moon.

There is a great prayer-fullness present. I have sorrow in my heart and mourn for what will be and what has been. For the failure to see Love when in its' presence. For the inability to understand that it is in the smallest acts and simplest deeds that love is so present.

I do not grieve...for I know what awaits. I long for the light of Easter. For clarity of purpose, for faith to give without want or need of reward. It is the passover and we celebrate Gods love for us: His giving out of Himself.

The Great Silence begins. Time to reflect on our lives. Can we live our lives in such profound Faith? To give up our friends, our future, our lives...for a greater good? Is that what is expected of us?

Or are all we asked is to be the best of who we are? To lead with love. To not fight evil and betrayal with angry thoughts and words. But to wash the feet of all those who walk with us; even if they should not love us back.