Installing Updates...

Slowly.

My machine's a bit old.  And the RAM ain't what it used to be (wink, wink).

But while things are installing, I've taken some time to read the manual.  Interesting.

Not as boring as one might have anticipated.

Here's what I'm learning:

• Live in the moment.
• Allow the cosmos to take care of the details.
• Trust and surrender.

WHAT!  Are you kidding me!!  I can't do that!  

No way.  Nope.  My original manual says something entirely different:

1. Control everything you can leading up to, in, and after every moment.
2. Prepare Plan B and Plan C because, if you don't, no one will.
3. Trust no one to do it as well as yourself.
4. Repeat Step 1.

You're going to tell me that this new system is going to replace the old, which, by the way, with the exception of side effects, was doing just fine.  What side effects?  Small ones, like

• Insomnia
• Agita and weight gain
• Aggravation and disappointment
• Obsessiveness
• Inability to relax

Well....Now that I look at the list....But, NO!  There is no way that after all this time I am going to give up control!  It's not in my nature.  It's inherent.  It's who I am.  It's...exhausting and wearing my system down.

So you think that this system update will magically fix all of this?  Sounds like Rainbow Pony crap to me.  Hmmmmm....

Please wait while we install a system update...

...if only that could work for humans!

I found myself emailing a friend yesterday and telling her how I was taking some time off to "reset" - intentionally making space in my life to think through the next move in my life.

I know I can't do this alone...in my own head...talking to myself.  And even my small group of family & friends isn't enough.  No, this system update will first require a clean-up:  de-fragmenting my hard-drive, putting together the scattered pieces, and deleting old data and corrupt messages.  I suppose a virus scan wouldn't hurt as well.  Gosh knows what I've picked up along the way!

So, I'm investing in myself:  in the process and the work.  A system update only works if you agree to it.  It's necessary, but it's tempting to put it off for "later" because there are things we want to do and we don't want to wait for the process to complete.

I'm planning that this update will result in:

1. Identifying the job that is a great fit.
2. Putting balance back into my life.
3. Learning to speak as a Leader.