I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Primarily because fate always intervened. That is, until now. Now I just don't know. And go figure - fate is nowhere to be found.
This desire to do something profound...to make a "real" difference in the world is fine. I've lived with it all my life. I'm realizing that this is not the problem. The problem is that I'm sitting around waiting it to magically happen.
Note two keys words in that last sentence: "waiting" and "magically". That alone should tell me what the problem is!
I'm reading "Heed Your Call: Integrating Myth, Science, Spirituality, and Business" by David Howitt. In it, Howitt talks about a lot of amazing concepts that can help you rethink how one can own their life and, most important to me, how one can stop waiting and start making things happen in their life.
He talks about 'trust' and 'surrender' as key ingredients in transforming ourselves, that "when applied with action, create success." You mean it really doesn't happen magically? I just can't sit and read books with great concepts and VOILA! my life will come together in one neat, meaningful package?! You mean I can create my own "profound gifts" without waiting? Seriously?
Ah...but wait...there's a catch, right? Yep.
Howitt writes a lot about "living in the moment," "trust and surrender," "allowing the cosmos to work out the details," "co-create the universe," "manifestation of endless possibilities"....
Now we're getting a little "Rainbow Ponies" on me (sorry Hasbro!). I like my life with an order of 'practical' and a side order of 'realistic' topped by a spoonful of 'doable' - thank you very much. Trusting...surrendering...living in the moment...not my comfort zone.
Perhaps I have to set Fate aside and give Faith a chance. After all, isn't Faith about trust and surrender? Maybe it's time to quit handing over the reigns to Fate and waiting. It may be time to drive the team of Rainbow Ponies myself. Time to take action. ACTION!
Giddy-up Rainbow Ponies! Let's go "co-create the universe"! And aw-w-w-w-ay we go!
www.Heedyourcall.com
Listen to David Howitt's TEDTalk
11/11/2014
Installing Updates...
Slowly.
My machine's a bit old. And the RAM ain't what it used to be (wink, wink).
But while things are installing, I've taken some time to read the manual. Interesting.
Not as boring as one might have anticipated.
Here's what I'm learning:
- Live in the moment.
- Allow the cosmos to take care of the details.
- Trust and surrender.
WHAT! Are you kidding me!! I can't do that!
No way. Nope. My original manual says something entirely different:
- Control everything you can leading up to, in, and after every moment.
- Prepare Plan B and Plan C because, if you don't, no one will.
- Trust no one to do it as well as yourself.
- Repeat Step 1.
You're going to tell me that this new system is going to replace the old, which, by the way, with the exception of side effects, was doing just fine. What side effects? Small ones, like
- Insomnia
- Agita and weight gain
- Aggravation and disappointment
- Obsessiveness
- Inability to relax
Well....Now that I look at the list....But, NO! There is no way that after all this time I am going to give up control! It's not in my nature. It's inherent. It's who I am. It's...exhausting and wearing my system down.
So you think that this system update will magically fix all of this? Sounds like Rainbow Pony crap to me. Hmmmmm....
10/29/2014
Going to a Bread Box Church
They say you can't judge a book by its' cover...but I did. With my parish church, nonetheless.
I live a block away from my church. I've lived a block away from the church for over sixteen years. But I waited nearly seven year before I went in. Why?
Because it was a bread box church.
Huh?
I know...but look at it.
No steeple.
What church has no steeple?
What happened to that little ditty we used to say when I was a kid?
"Here's the church,
Here's the steeple.
Open the door,
Here are the people!"
I know. Pathetic. Pathetic that I wouldn't go into a church, my parish church, because it is just a big, rectangular building sans steeple. It reminded me of a giant bread box. I couldn't get past the wrapping for the longest time. I assumed it would be as boring and 'boxy' on the inside as it was on the outside.
It reminds me of last Christmas and my gift to my brother, Al. He lives in the Midwest, so after carefully and lovingly finding his presents, I had to find a box in which to ship them. In the name of "Reclaim-Restore-Recycle" I found the perfect box - reusing a box from a purchase I'd made a few months earlier.
On Christmas night I called Al to see if he liked his presents. He and his family were just finishing dinner and he was thrilled that I'd called at the right moment: "Your timing is perfect!" he said. "Your niece is just getting ready to do the dishes! She's been waiting for this moment all day!"
Huh? I assumed it was my brother's typical cynical humor. Doing the dishes at Christmas dinner sounded torturous - especially for a teenager!
"She can't wait to open the gift you sent!" Al explained (facetiously).
"Really? She didn't open her gifts this morning?" I was really confused.
"You remember what you sent, right?" Al sounded a bit more tentative now.
"Uh...no...I'm not sure what we're talking about, Al" I racked my brain, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
"The dish rack and drain," Al announced which great enthusiasm!
Oh, my. Al was talking about the reclaimed< > recycled box I'd sent with his presents in! He'd never opened the box with the gifts I'd so carefully picked out and sent him! He thought I'd forgotten him!
He was wonderfully surprised and excited (and my niece was relieved!).
That's what my 'bread box church experience was like.
Once I got beyond the packaging and opened the doors of the Church - it was like an unexpected gift at Christmas!
I love my bread box church. It's full of wonderful gifts that I cherish in my life. And it's taught me to look beyond the outside. To have courage to open the doors and go inside - whether we're talking about new places, new people, new experiences. You might just be surprised! (a little relieved!)
I live a block away from my church. I've lived a block away from the church for over sixteen years. But I waited nearly seven year before I went in. Why?
Because it was a bread box church.
Huh?
I know...but look at it.
No steeple.
What church has no steeple?
What happened to that little ditty we used to say when I was a kid?
"Here's the church,
Here's the steeple.
Open the door,
Here are the people!"
I know. Pathetic. Pathetic that I wouldn't go into a church, my parish church, because it is just a big, rectangular building sans steeple. It reminded me of a giant bread box. I couldn't get past the wrapping for the longest time. I assumed it would be as boring and 'boxy' on the inside as it was on the outside.
It reminds me of last Christmas and my gift to my brother, Al. He lives in the Midwest, so after carefully and lovingly finding his presents, I had to find a box in which to ship them. In the name of "Reclaim-Restore-Recycle" I found the perfect box - reusing a box from a purchase I'd made a few months earlier.
On Christmas night I called Al to see if he liked his presents. He and his family were just finishing dinner and he was thrilled that I'd called at the right moment: "Your timing is perfect!" he said. "Your niece is just getting ready to do the dishes! She's been waiting for this moment all day!"
Huh? I assumed it was my brother's typical cynical humor. Doing the dishes at Christmas dinner sounded torturous - especially for a teenager!
"She can't wait to open the gift you sent!" Al explained (facetiously).
"Really? She didn't open her gifts this morning?" I was really confused.
"You remember what you sent, right?" Al sounded a bit more tentative now.
"Uh...no...I'm not sure what we're talking about, Al" I racked my brain, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
"The dish rack and drain," Al announced which great enthusiasm!
Oh, my. Al was talking about the reclaimed< > recycled box I'd sent with his presents in! He'd never opened the box with the gifts I'd so carefully picked out and sent him! He thought I'd forgotten him!
He was wonderfully surprised and excited (and my niece was relieved!).
That's what my 'bread box church experience was like.
Once I got beyond the packaging and opened the doors of the Church - it was like an unexpected gift at Christmas!
I love my bread box church. It's full of wonderful gifts that I cherish in my life. And it's taught me to look beyond the outside. To have courage to open the doors and go inside - whether we're talking about new places, new people, new experiences. You might just be surprised! (a little relieved!)
10/06/2014
Please wait while we install a system update...
...if only that could work for humans!
I found myself emailing a friend yesterday and telling her how I was taking some time off to "reset" - intentionally making space in my life to think through the next move in my life.
I know I can't do this alone...in my own head...talking to myself. And even my small group of family & friends isn't enough. No, this system update will first require a clean-up: de-fragmenting my hard-drive, putting together the scattered pieces, and deleting old data and corrupt messages. I suppose a virus scan wouldn't hurt as well. Gosh knows what I've picked up along the way!
So, I'm investing in myself: in the process and the work. A system update only works if you agree to it. It's necessary, but it's tempting to put it off for "later" because there are things we want to do and we don't want to wait for the process to complete.
I found myself emailing a friend yesterday and telling her how I was taking some time off to "reset" - intentionally making space in my life to think through the next move in my life.
I know I can't do this alone...in my own head...talking to myself. And even my small group of family & friends isn't enough. No, this system update will first require a clean-up: de-fragmenting my hard-drive, putting together the scattered pieces, and deleting old data and corrupt messages. I suppose a virus scan wouldn't hurt as well. Gosh knows what I've picked up along the way!
So, I'm investing in myself: in the process and the work. A system update only works if you agree to it. It's necessary, but it's tempting to put it off for "later" because there are things we want to do and we don't want to wait for the process to complete.
I'm planning that this update will result in:
- Identifying the job that is a great fit.
- Putting balance back into my life.
- Learning to speak as a Leader.
7/31/2014
Faith on the Outside, ? on the Inside
I'm a pretty faithful-appearing person on the outside. I wear the trappings of my Faith pretty well.
In my pocket, I carry around a little wooden rosary, blessed by the Holy Father himself! I rub it and tangle it up in my fingers whenever I'm standing and waiting, or sitting in a meeting listening, or just thinking. I have no idea how it works - no one ever taught me. I suppose I could find a YouTube video. For now, it's kinda like a rabbits foot. I'm not sure it's working real well....
I have a beautiful print of the church where I was confirmed and received first communion. It's right above my desk at work, where I could, if I were so inclined, gaze upon it and remind myself of my Faith. I tend to do that only when I'm exhausted and defeated and wondering what life is all about....
I volunteer at church. Or did. The minute my commitment ended I begged off, with mutterings of being tired and needing a break. All the while promising to help with this and with that other thing. I love saying I do stuff at the church. Now to make the time to do it....
And I do pray. When I'm feeling worn down, lost, seeking direction. Occasionally I'll do my best St. Francis impression and actually thank God for a beautiful day or the fresh air or the time to walk and sing tunes in my head.. Occasionally....
I guess I'm just an every day kinda person when it comes to Faith. I play at it well. I go through lots of the motions. But inside...?
In my pocket, I carry around a little wooden rosary, blessed by the Holy Father himself! I rub it and tangle it up in my fingers whenever I'm standing and waiting, or sitting in a meeting listening, or just thinking. I have no idea how it works - no one ever taught me. I suppose I could find a YouTube video. For now, it's kinda like a rabbits foot. I'm not sure it's working real well....
I have a beautiful print of the church where I was confirmed and received first communion. It's right above my desk at work, where I could, if I were so inclined, gaze upon it and remind myself of my Faith. I tend to do that only when I'm exhausted and defeated and wondering what life is all about....
I volunteer at church. Or did. The minute my commitment ended I begged off, with mutterings of being tired and needing a break. All the while promising to help with this and with that other thing. I love saying I do stuff at the church. Now to make the time to do it....
And I do pray. When I'm feeling worn down, lost, seeking direction. Occasionally I'll do my best St. Francis impression and actually thank God for a beautiful day or the fresh air or the time to walk and sing tunes in my head.. Occasionally....
I guess I'm just an every day kinda person when it comes to Faith. I play at it well. I go through lots of the motions. But inside...?
7/29/2014
Shadows of the Past
I saw you, shadows of my past,
standing in front of me in the deli,
ahead of me on the way to the office, sitting across from me on the train.
Silhouettes of people I've worked with,
colleagues now moved on to other
jobs,
states,
lives.
My heart aches for it to have been you.
To have walked up to you and asked
what you thought about the latest article,
the new survey being developed,
the current thinking about board development.
I hope you're well,
shadows of my past.
I'm relieved the sun hasn't faded you.
standing in front of me in the deli,
ahead of me on the way to the office, sitting across from me on the train.
Silhouettes of people I've worked with,
colleagues now moved on to other
jobs,
states,
lives.
My heart aches for it to have been you.
To have walked up to you and asked
what you thought about the latest article,
the new survey being developed,
the current thinking about board development.
I hope you're well,
shadows of my past.
I'm relieved the sun hasn't faded you.
7/27/2014
God Gave me an Epiphany for my Birthday
[no disrespect to Ellen Degeneres....www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdGbJWuFdNk]
Me: ...I don't know what it is you're calling me to do with my life right now...
God: Right.
Me: I really wish I knew exactly what it is you want me to do...
God: Right.
Me: I'm trying to figure it out myself. I listen...hard.
God: Right.
Me: Maybe you're telling me right now and I'm just not listening hard enough...
God: (smile) RIGHT!
Me. I feel like your call is right here in front of me and I just can't see...er...feel...ah...hear it.
God: (smile, and a quiet sigh) Escribir.
Me: Que?
God: Escuchar a mí - escribir!
Me: Excribir?
- silence -
Me: OMG! Write! You've been telling me to write...right?!
God: (smile)
Me: Write! I get it!
- silence -
Me: Lord...I don't know what it is you are calling me to write...
God: (sigh)
Me: ...I don't know what it is you're calling me to do with my life right now...
God: Right.
Me: I really wish I knew exactly what it is you want me to do...
God: Right.
Me: I'm trying to figure it out myself. I listen...hard.
God: Right.
Me: Maybe you're telling me right now and I'm just not listening hard enough...
God: (smile) RIGHT!
Me. I feel like your call is right here in front of me and I just can't see...er...feel...ah...hear it.
God: (smile, and a quiet sigh) Escribir.
Me: Que?
God: Escuchar a mí - escribir!
Me: Excribir?
- silence -
Me: OMG! Write! You've been telling me to write...right?!
God: (smile)
Me: Write! I get it!
- silence -
Me: Lord...I don't know what it is you are calling me to write...
God: (sigh)
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