Got my butt up this morning and headed out to the park. Lynne and I had a lazy weekend at home, so I've got a touch of cabin fever! I did finish off The Road, by Cormac McCarthy. Best darn book I've read on what we'll all end up to be since Helen Caldicott's work. Read it. It's one of those that will stay with you.
So this morning, I left the house early. Usually my walk is late afternoon around 4:30 - 5:00pm, so that I'm home by 6pm to watch the news and get dinner ready. There's a whole different group of folks out and about this time of day: mom with babies (and dogs), nanny's, childcare workers, quite a few dads and babies, lots of people walking dogs (one was walking 8 of them).
I picked up a bagel and ice tea before heading in, then found a picnic bench on the great lawn to read before heading over to the other side of the park. I started Khaled Hosseini's, A Thousand Splendid Suns, as comfortable a read as Kite Runner was. I love his sense of imagery...give me good imagery and I'm yours forever!
After about 30 minutes (and a generous shmere of cream cheese on my bagel!), I walked over to the lake. I stopped on the way for about 15 minutes of sun and 3 chapters of the book, then headed into the woods. I passes two classrooms of children on a tour of the park with the rangers, talking about life cycles of trees, etc. One of my favorite picnic benches on the big lake was vacant, so I planted myself for another 30 minutes or so to write in my journal.
As I was winding up, an older couple with a 3-4 year old girl walked over in my direction. They were speaking, I believe Polish. I gave up my picnic bench to them, and walked across the lawn to the smaller section of the lake, where my favorite bench is, and where I stop daily to read or write. As I walked down the path and into the opening at the lake, I could see lots of splashing off to the side and about 25 yards away. A fisherman had just caught a 10" stripped bass. He carefully held it up, unhooked it, and tossed it back into the lake to live another day.
I started back into my book, when about 15 minutes later, the older couple and the little girl come around the corner and join me on the bench. We shared the shade and cool breeze off the lake, before I decided it was time to stretch my legs again. On the way back to the Park Slope side of the park, I explored a bridge and roadway I'd seen from a distance but never been on. I love finding new little niches in the park!
On the way home, God and I had a good talk (the result of some journal thinking). He is so wonderfully patient with me! I just go 'round and 'round and 'round on things. I want to make a difference...how do I know I've made a difference?...am I expecting this to be a major event, or can I settle with just make a difference on a day-to-day basis in small ways?...my expectations versus my fantasy of what it could, should, would be...maybe I should give-up on having the one big idea that will make a big splash somewhere and realize that my role may be to make a difference in little, everyday ways...can my ego live with that...can I?
I'm anxious to get my test results back. I took a battery of tests last Monday as part of some career counseling and I'm supposed to see the results this week. Then I meet with the counselor when I get back from Key West. It's supposed to measure not only my interests, but my potential, for leadership among other things.
I'm also playing more and more in my mind with the concept that work isn't and doesn't have to be my be-all and end-all. I could make a difference outside of work, in other things I do. And then, the voice in my mind gently tugs my sleeve and reminds me that it is who we are, and how we live our lives...not necessarily what we do. Oy! 'Round and 'round we go!
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