A Simple Thank You

Did your parent praise you - or even thank you?

Dad didn't give praise verbally. He wrote checks. He made sure you had what you needed (not what you wanted). He rarely acknowledged how proud he might (or might not) be. Even if friends asked him directly, "aren't you proud of her? Do you know what your daughter has accomplished? Did you know..." and then proceeded with a listing of my achievement...even then, dad would just nod and smile and maybe mutter, under his breath, "yes, that's right...."

But you never knew if he was really proud of you. Or if he even had any idea what you did or who you were. It was hard to know if he was or wasn't paying attention. I interpreted his non-responsiveness and apparent disinterest as not caring. I think I may have been wrong.

I'm not sure dad knew how to be proud of us. He didn't know how to value himself, so how could he value his children and their accomplishments?

Last Christmas, the last time I saw dad alive, he was not feeling well. He was tired and struggling with his breathing in the cold air. But I knew that he would love dinner at the neighborhood Italian restaurant, Tonio's. So we went to Tonio's just before he left to return to England.

Somewhere between dinner and dessert, dad asked us to stop talking; he had something to say. He made a toast to me, acknowledging my efforts to make a nice visit for him. And he said, "thank you".

On my worst days, when I feel so deeply how I failed my dad...I hold on to that. I know, at the very least, that in that moment I did good. It may turn out to be the most significant moment in my life with dad.

Thanksgiving Day

To Infinity and Beyond! What a great way to start Turkey Day! A trip to the corner of 40th St. and Broadway to watch the Macys Parade. I lasted until about 11:15am, when it was time to head home and baste Tom Turkey.

The only disappointment was not getting to see Horton (new balloon this year), but I did walk in the house just in time to see Santa make his appearance!

Dinner went well, with a couple of new menu items this year: stuffed mushrooms and biscuits with real honey from Becca and Rick! Yummy! I stuffed the bird ala Allen: apples and oranges, making for a moist bird and lots of basting juice. The parsnips were sweet and roasted, the yams twice baked and the company was the best!

Sheep Captains the Ship!

The final day of Sheeps journey home, he was invited to the helm and asked to captain the ship. What a journey! Sheep couldn't wait to return home and tell his tale of adventure.

A Just Anger? Or an Excuse to Not Feel Guilty?

If I'm angry - my feelings are directed at dad.
If I'm guilty - then I must have my own feelings.

Is there a better choice? Does one have a choice?

Suppose dad really knew he was going to die. And he either couldn't or wouldn't tell us? Then is my anger justified? Is that really what I'm looking for? Justification for my anger that he is dead?

Or do I want forgiveness? Forgiveness for...not being there...not being assertive enough to find out how ill he was? Forgiveness for not being affected enough?

What did you chose?

Sheep gets promoted!

Having followed Sheep's ventures through Paris on behalf of his Moose and animal friends, we can all see what a strong leader Sheep is. Not to mention the fact that his entrepreneurial spirit is pretty kick-a**.

Before you knew it, Sheep was offered the opportunity to steer the ship and took charge! He found the best leadership position was right in the middle. Here he positions himself on the hub of the ships main wheel.

Denial...Is a powerful thing

What do you do with a parent who isn't honest about dying?

Denial. The gap between what dad didn't say and what I didn't want to know.

What dad didn't say about being ill and what I refuse to know created a scenario that served us well in the short run and is now something I can feel guilty about for the long run!

It's not that dad didn't tell us anything. He just told us very little and most of what he told us was prefaced with "I couldn't understand the doctor..." or "they never tell me anything," or "I don't know what they are saying".

My responses were worse:

• He knows.
• He just wants to play games with us.
• He's smart enough to find out what is wrong with him.
• He never asked about mom's health when she was dying...why should I care about his?
• He's lonely and just want attention.

Shortly after dad's first surgery, he came for a visit to the States. My brother and I had to trap him in the car with us in order to probe and put dad through an inquest. It was 2006. Dad said he had a bump on his back removed, but had been hospitalized because the bleeding wouldn't stop. Then he told us they had to cut so deep, they got too close to his heart. We asked if they thought he had cancer. He didn't know. And I didn't push.

Denial.

Sheep Heads Home

It was time for Sheep to head back to the States. Having enjoyed his stay in Paris so much, Sheep decided to commandeer a ship and sail back over the Ocean.

Here, Sheep work in the commissary to pay his way.

What is Leadership?

The efforts of Moose, Sheep, Kitty and Bunny made me think about leadership and reminded me of something I shared with the women who graduated from the St. T's Leadership and Service Institute last April:

Leadership is Courage

It is understanding when to question; when to ask for help.

It is listening, even when called to do something that we believe may be beyond us.

It is working in partnership with others...people like us...people who are different.

It is being in partnership with others even when they think differently...when they behave differently....When their ideas, their beliefs, their values are different than ours.

Above all...it is

Courage. Above all, leadership is the courage to listen, the courage to speak the truth, the courage to know when to lead and when to follow.

Mary is my leadership model. Her courage is my challenge to always serve others with love, to lead with Faith and to become a strong woman of courage.

The Things People Say...or Don't Say....

What did people say when your parent died?

When someone dies in your life, the people around you don't always know what to say.

I guess the people I knew were somewhat lucky. My dad died in England. My brother and I had traveled there to try and see dad before he died: we missed it by about six hours. Dad died early on a Saturday morning (3:30am), so Al and I had to stay a few days to make arrangements and handle the death details. Nothing can get done on a weekend.

So I was out of the country for almost a week and didn't return to the office for a few days past that. So most of the condolences I received were via email. That's actually good. It's less awkward. I mean...really. What do you say?

Most thoughtful: when someone asks "how are you doing?" then actually waits around long enough to listen to my answer.

My Dad's Brown Coat

Dad died in July, 2008. When I went through his closet, he had about five coats/jackets. He only had three shirts and two pairs of pants. Why more coats than clothes?

I took a few things of dads after he died. His hat. His suspenders (he always wore them, usually under his shirt!) And a brown jacket that I had never seen before. All the other coats and jackets I recognized; he'd bought them when visiting my brother or I, or we'd given them to him as gifts. But I'd never seen this jacket before.

It was a little long on me, but actually keeps my butt warm when I pull it down. It's the perfect weight for those days between 40 and 65 degrees. The color is perfect for me - brown.

And the pockets...well...the pockets are the best part! Come to think of it, it's something dad and I had in common. We loved having lots of pockets in our jackets. Places we could hide things (or sometimes lose them). Pockets that held zippers that lead to hidden pockets. Pockets on the outside...pockets on the inside.

Yeah. Dad and I were alike in that way. And, as I'm beginning to learn, in many other ways, too.

Moose - Election Night

Meanwhile, back in Brooklyn, Moose reflected back on the weeks of hard work and organizing that had gone into trying to rally the animals and thwart Palin's attack on moose.

Here, Moose sits quietly by himself, watching the election results about 9:30pm.

Moose - Election Night

Meanwhile, back in Brooklyn, Moose reflected back on the weeks of hard work and organizing that had gone into trying to rally the animals and thwart Palin's attack on moose.

Here, Moose sits quietly by himself, watching the election results about 9:30pm.

Day 5 - Obama Won & the Louvre!

Joy of Joy! Obama has won! The threat to Moose around the world, all their cousins, the Elks, and every living animal that could be hunted had been averted!

Palin was headed back to Alaska!

Sheep was relieved! Although all the treaties he had signed and the coalitions he had formed weren't needed, he knew the work had been important and had opened up several key discussions that Sheep felt would be critical to the future.

To celebrate, Sheep headed over to the Louvre. He thinks Venus is way far prettier than Palin.

Day 5 - Obama Won & the Louvre!

Joy of Joy! Obama has won! The threat to Moose around the world, all their cousins, the Elks, and every living animal that could be hunted had been averted!

Palin was headed back to Alaska!

Sheep was relieved! Although all the treaties he had signed and the coalitions he had formed weren't needed, he knew the work had been important and had opened up several key discussions that Sheep felt would be critical to the future.

To celebrate, Sheep headed over to the Louvre. He thinks Venus is way far prettier than Palin.

Day 4 - Election Day & Musee d'Orsay

Day 4 was the day! Election day back in the States. Sheep was so nervous! He started the day in Paris by watching election results on CNN, but got so anxious he decided to get out and distract himself. He also thought he should follow-up on Mules' suggestion that he speak with Horses, as they carried much more authority and had far greater prominence in Paris.

So sheep headed over to the Musee d'Orsay. After a quick run through the galleries of Renoir, Cezzane, Monet, Degas and Rodin, Sheep headed into the forecourt for a meeting with Pierre Rouillard's Cheval à la herse (Plough Horse). Foundried by Antoine Durenne, it was commissioned in 1877 for l'Exposition universlle de 1878, and belonged to the gardens of the first palais du Trocadèro (Trocadèro palace).

He and Plough Horse, after several hours of discussion, decided to sign an agreement, throwing the support of horses behind the campaign against Palin. Although the need would be mute if Obama won, Sheep wanted to continue working to being prepared.

Before heading back to the right bank, Sheep and Horse posed for a picture. See Sheep way down there...underneath horse?

Day 4 - Election Day & Musee d'Orsay

Day 4 was the day! Election day back in the States. Sheep was so nervous! He started the day in Paris by watching election results on CNN, but got so anxious he decided to get out and distract himself. He also thought he should follow-up on Mules' suggestion that he speak with Horses, as they carried much more authority and had far greater prominence in Paris.

So sheep headed over to the Musee d'Orsay. After a quick run through the galleries of Renoir, Cezzane, Monet, Degas and Rodin, Sheep headed into the forecourt for a meeting with Pierre Rouillard's Cheval à la herse (Plough Horse). Foundried by Antoine Durenne, it was commissioned in 1877 for l'Exposition universlle de 1878, and belonged to the gardens of the first palais du Trocadèro (Trocadèro palace).

He and Plough Horse, after several hours of discussion, decided to sign an agreement, throwing the support of horses behind the campaign against Palin. Although the need would be mute if Obama won, Sheep wanted to continue working to being prepared.

Before heading back to the right bank, Sheep and Horse posed for a picture. See Sheep way down there...underneath horse?